Clothing Mayhap

        Argh! Ok so I'm having a really tough time with clothing lately and creating a style for myself that I feel good in. I used to dress in just about anything that was my size so long as it looked half decent. Fit didn't matter to me then, heck being comfortable in my clothing wasn't anything I worried about either, so long as it fit. I'm sure you can all agree that when you're heavier you don't get to wear all the beautiful clothes. You wear flowers, stuff that's to tight because its a pain to always try everything on in those tiny fitting rooms. Half the stuff is to small and you work up a sweat trying to pull it all on. Trying clothing on when you weigh almost 260 pounds or more is a chore and embarrassing. I got so I'd estimate my size and just grab what looked like it fit. More then half the time the items either were tight or I couldn't get them over my head. It was horrendous. I got so I'd throw a sweater over everything I wore, and that was a poorly fitting sweater too.
         My problem now is that I do have a lot of options and while I've migrated to actually trying on clothes I still break out in a sweat and end up rushing out of the room straight after I've tried everything on. I'm getting better but the preconceived notion of everything not fitting is still there and its almost like a constriction in the throat. Now that my options have expanded greatly my tastes have changed but to what? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out. I follow a few blogs to get a few ideas of what looks good but most of these girls have killer body's. Me...I'm still working on mine.
I need a friend with killer fashion sense and my body type to follow. Like that is going to happen.
         I guess I'll have to figure this one out.

Caught up in life.

       Omigosh It has been forever since I've blogged. I've been following everyone else's, not diligently mind you and have neglected mine. I've just had very little time and I've hardly been following my diet, at least not as hardcore as I should be. I just don't have the time, we all get wrapped up in life sometimes. I don't lie though, between school, kids and homework its just to hard to juggle it all and try to devote some time to blogging.
      I did just get out of a 3 hour long math test. I can't say it was as hard as I expected it to be. I hope I pass that's all I'm hoping for, that's how much I have struggled with this darn class. I wish I had more time to devote to my studies. Usually I like to spend at least 3-4 hours on math each night or day to run everything over in my head and help to understand everything we went through in the day. This class was just to fast pace and in order to keep up with the daily workload I had to keep pushing on regardless if I understood it as well as I would have liked. Oh well...if I pass I pass, if I do not, then I do it over again. I don't want to have to but should I have to then I'm confident I'll get the mark I want.
     I really hope next semester's workload is not as heavy so I'll have time to read and update my blog as much as I would like to. I find it really helps me mull over the day and strive to do better in the coming days. I also love following everyone else and lend a encouraging note.  I hold them all responsible for the weight loss I've achieved currently and forever am thankful.

One day at a time....

Been awhile

Omigosh its been forever since I've been on here. I have to admit I've been lazy, with good reason though.

After having my baby in Decemeber I've had multiple complications and infections so sticking to any diet wasn't happening. At the end of my nine months of pregnancy I ended up weighing 205 IBS which is a reasonable amount of weight, I didn't want to go over 200 IBS but it happened so now I have to deal with it.

About two weeks ago I started my carb diet again and have already taken off 4 pounds with no exercise. I'm proud but its overwhelming at the same time because I'm doing it all over again. For those people that relapse and find themselves doing it over and over again I applaud you. I don't know how you do it and keep positive.

So I'm currently weighing in at 182.5. My prepregnancy weight was 172. My goal is the same as before approxiamately 145, more of where I feel comfortable then a number itself. My diet is low carb while still tracking calories. I can't exercise right now because of an adiminal wound I was left with after having the baby. My nurses fiigure I'll be another 3 weeks before thats healed up so unfortunately I'll even be awhile after that before I can get on my newly purchased treadmill and get going.

All in all life is ok and I'm back on the band wagon. I hope to be around my goal by mid summer. I wanna have a sexy bathsuit picture this year! LOL

News

So I've been gone for awhile and with good reason too. I'm pregnant.... yes you heard me right I'm pregnant. It came as a surprise but I've embraced it and I'm ready to trek on. I'm not gonna let getting pregnant throw me off my band wagon. I'm not gonna spiral off and let my body revert back to an unhealthy state.
With that said I've been very sick and not just with morning sickness but with a change in diet and high blood pressure. Needless to say its been a loosing battle with my diet. I've been binging and eating way to much. My weight has been teteering between 172 and 177 which isn't good. My first goal right now is to get back on track with my eating and get my weight steadied out.

I'm no longer attempting to loose weight for now, just control it, eat healthy and stay fit. Once I have my baby I'll launch back into loosing weight but for now my life will be staying fit and healthy with baby.

Not what I was hoping for.....

So I didn't post my usual saturday weigh in post because I was waiting for today. Yesterday I was serverly bloated and just didn't feel myself. So my weight was sitting at 174 which I knew was wrong. I weighed myself today and i was sitting back down at 172... much happier with that but I guess I was hoping for a loss even a miniscule one. Reflecting, I didn't have such a great week.
I exercised about half of it so thats better then nothing but my eating wasn't so great. Wasn't bad but not condusive to weight loss. Eat a few things here and there that I shouldn't have ut not bad overall. Keeps me on track.
I suspect I've gained a bit of muscle because my pants are a tad looser and it just generally feels like i have. I know that sounds weird but I think I know my body.
So I'm not gonna sweat it and keep up my good work. If nothing at all I'm maintaining and my exiercise feels great!

Finally!!

When I jumped on the scale this morning I read 172! Finally, I see movement in the right direction. My hard work payed off this week. I've been running on my gazelle just about every night. Granted I took wednesday off to re coup and Friday because I was over tired.
I had a few slip ups such as eating a bag of chips and a few to many second helpings but I'm working on it. I'm so proud of myself for getting back on track and getting right back into it with vigor!
I worked out this morning for 40 mins on my gazelle. I ate good but i didn't get my little 7 minute running on the spot in. However I might try to get that in when I get home. I might be to tired but at least I got my 40 mins in so I'm not going to complain.

So behind.... Life is at a pause and maybe sifting back.

I know, I barely post. I mean to. I want to. But life just gets me down and I'm dealing the best I can. Dealing with my ex husband is no small chore, the money for my car payment was withdrawn by him so my car went NSF. I know its not as big of a deal as I make it out to be. Just call the company and rearrange to pay it. My problems and stress lie deeper then that. My husband...ex husband is my problem. I left him for a reason and I want so badly to be able to cut ties with him. Fighting on the phone would be the least of my problems. Our finiancial obligations are whats got me so down. We keep a joint account open for all our jointly owned pocessions and the payments on them. There is never enough money and lots of NSF fee's. Nothing I can do until we sell the house. Once the house sells we can pay off all the jointly owned pocessions and completely cut ties with each other but until then this is my life and I've been struggling through it for 3 years now. Does it ever end??

I'm soooooo tired.

Yes thats right I'm tired, I was up till three am and up at 7am with my kids for Easter. This sucks I still have to work another 5 hours, will this day never end?

I did terrible on the diet today I just can't stop eating. I'm hungry all the time now. I choose my snacks carefully but the amount I consume cannot possibly promote any weight loss. It didn't help either that I had a few handful's of chocolate today. Hope I can resist it all tomorrow as the chocolate is still in the house.

Lordy Lordy

Oh my Gosh its been so long since I've posted. I guess you can say I've fallen off the band wagon...Boooo. What happened was I plateaued. I hate it, I hate typing it I hate saying it I hate admitting it, I HATE IT.
I shouldn't say I've fallen off completely. I have simply plateaued and just haven't made the nessesary changes to get the weight loss kicking again. The good news is I've stuck true to my diet and have maintained very well. I have snuck in some evil devil treats but I now know that when I am done with loosing weight its not going to be as hard to maintain a decent weight as I once thought.
I've come off the carb diet and started eating two pieces of toast for breakfast and allowing myself carbs here and there. I'm watching Calories now while still keeping the carbs to a minimum as most of the high carb things are full of calories anyway.

So some changes I've made are that I no longer allow myself to bring pepsi to work, this then forces me to drink water. I only drink about 32oz on a good day which I know isn't all that great but its still much better then my normal 0 0z. So thats a work in progress.
I've also brought in my gazelle from the farm so I'm gonna start plugging away on that. Did I mention I hate it? Yes I hate my gazelle, it gets boring and I know I need to find something I enjoy to be able to keep at it, something a little more reasonable to be able to incorporate a life change. Its what i got for now though and its better then nothing. I'm sure I'll find something I like but its gonna take time and alot of hard work. I'll get there.

Up

Argh, I'm up. 177.5 and I was doing so well to...maybe it was a false reading last time? I don't believe I've done anything out of the ordinary to actually gain weight. My eating I'll admit has been a little off but at a maitenance level at its worse I'm sure.
I'm going to start going to the gym we have at work today. I don't have my kids for two weeks so its the perfect opportunity for me to get some excersie in. I'll work my ass off for two weeks and hopefully get some sort of routine going for myself.
Once I have a routine I'm more likely to stick to it. Yay me!
I need to get back to weighing myself weekly because as of late I've been doing it almost daily and its a terrible thing for me to do because I tend to look past the numbers and internalize it.
I always have a bad day when the numbers are telling me something I don't wanna see.
So back to my 4 pound gain, again I doubt I actually gained it. I'm sure I'm retaining or something because as of late my stomach has been really bugging me. Maybe excerise will help flush that out. I hope!

Blah

Just one of those weeks. Nothing special. Fighting with the ex boyfriend alot. He's trying to trick me into talking to him...Long story. But I have met someone new, he drowns me in compliments which inspires me to keep going.
Todays weigh in was minor but one I'll take and be happy with. A -.5 Loss. So considering all the cheating I've been doing and lack of excersie. (I lost one job) I think thats just ok.

Caution! Proceed with care.

This past week has been a roller coaster whirlwind. It started off with my violently ill and sick to my stomach. The worst part about it is that I took the brunt of it at work. Wild cramping and trips to the bathroom. I tell ya I counted milliseconds to the end of my shift.
I managed to get home ( I have no idea how) and passed out. Thank God for sisters and brother in laws whom so kindly watched my children.
I wasn't so bad the next day but my stomach has been tender since and nothing sits in it right. I always feel a little sick...it is getting better though but what a flu! So needless to say I expected a great weight loss, not that I was proud of my not eating. I tried to force myself but it was to bloody hard with how sore my stomach was. Today I even had a time. I managed to get a banana and two pieces of bacon for breakfast but that was all I could stomach.
So that was the flu.. I also got fired but not in so many words. My husband gave up the cleaning contract I managed because the manager of the place was complaining about this I had already done just because my husband wasn't in town. I don't know where he comes off at but there will be no more of that.
I also gave away my poor sweet dog. Now I can have the flu and get fired any day of the week over letting go of my dog. She was the ugliest thing in the world but she was mine....oh gosh I 'm gonna miss her.

So with all that said when I jumped on the scale this morning I weighed in at a whooping 180. No i didn't do a dance, and no I didn't scream in happyness. I just nodded my head and preceeded with my morning. Its a great loss but it also might screw me up in the weeks to come. I could be dehydrated, I could be starving for food. Who knows...I guess time will tell.

Back On Track Finally!!!

I'm tickled pink to report a 1.5 Ib Loss, sure its not great but its much better then what I was weighing in at the last few weeks. I'll take it! there's no way I'm going to meet my goal of 182 by the 29th but I'm damn well gonna try! I'm doing so well, I just have to step it up a notch I know I can do it! I only have three weeks left in my course and I know I can do that in less then three weeks. So I figure I have a few choices go at it easy paced and step up each a notch or throw myself into one. I think I'll step up each one. I'm not gonna set any goals but I'm really gonna brain storm and try some different things so I can find whats right for me.
First order of the day: When I get off work I'm taking my daughter out for a mommy daughter day. We deserve it!

Anxious!

Just like the title suggests, I'm way to anxious in a terribly bad way for tomorrows weigh in. The last two weeks (not including this week) I've been stalled, PLateau'd whatever you call it in my weight loss. I feel like I've wasted two weeks of my time and effort I don't want to make it three.
If I am stalled the scale will show 189 or higher....god I hope not and that will mean I either need to make a change or add something new and I'm just not ready.
I've stated earlier that my diet has become placee and easy almost non rewarding, maybe I jinxed myself by saying that. Figures.
I guess time will tell.....>Eck

Easy?

So i'm sitting here at work trying to think of ways to get my self excited about my weight loss again. Last Friday was a crummy weigh in so I've been slightly down on myself. I know I shouldn't be but well, shit happens. So I'm trying to think of ways to get myself as excited as I was before when I first started. Perhaps incorporating some excerise would do it but I just don't have the time yet! I wanna spend every waking moment of extra time I have on my accounting course to get it finished. Once I'm done its gone, fini! I never have to spend time on it again and I'm free to excerise!
Until then I've been doing fine with my eating and moderate excerise. I have a part time job cleaning which keeps me on the go and I clean my house just about all day while the kids are up so I'm constantly on the go there to.
I think i'm bored with my diet. I mean its still hard to say no to cookies. Just today I was filling up the cookie jar at work and found one that had a broken piece off it. I was so tempted to pop that sinful piece into my mouth which would cause a terrible chain reaction resulting in many more cookies consumed...but I put it into the jar and walked away. Maybe its because I just don't feel rewarded anymore for my healthy choices.
I just feel bleh..not great but not bad either.
I need motivation people!!

Stalled?

Urggg not a good weigh in I hope I'm not plateau'ing I jumped on the scale and I was 189. I mean with my official weigh in last week being 193 I should be astounded. But I'm not becasue I had a reading of 189 last week in the morning. So I'm not pleased. I actually quite bumed....
Oh well I guess I'll have to take it as it is and be happy I didn't gain. 189 it is.
I reviewed my diet and discovered perhaps I shouldn't be eating as many bananas as I have been lately. I've been having sugar rushes and cravings which are actually quite new to me.
I was eating raisins and Banana's to quell the sugar craving (which it did ) but discovered that the sugar in them makes them high in Carbs...Bummer. So while I'm not going to cut them out completely I'm gonna cut down on them. At least they are way better then chocolate and pie!

I'm not gone!

Wow been such a long time since I updated... I could go on and on about why I was so busy and didn't have time but the truth of the matter is that I didn't make time. Bad me!
So not alot has happened. I gorged myself over Christmas. Actually I only had about 4 bad days in total. My downfault is pie and cookies, chocolate and anything sweet.
I can eat quit normal meals with no problem. Cutting out pasta and potatoes and bread and heaping on the vegetables is sooooo easy. Potatoes just don't taste as heavenly as I thought and bread just hurts my stomach. But when we have sweets around its like a switch goes off in my head and I can't turn it off. I must eat them and sample every kind!
Crazy i know but I'll accept it for what it is. I didn't loose weight over the christmas week. I didn't record a weigh on purpose. I was only aiming for weight maitenance instead of loss that week. I really thing I did loose weight though. I jumped on the scale and it showed a .5 gain but I'm sure that was from all the cookies.
ON Friday the 1st my first initial weigh in fo 2010 I was 189! I was estatic! what a great loss over the christmas holidays!
When I jumped on the scale later that night I was 193..pooey!
The only reason I jumped on the scale again and actually recorded the difference as my actual weight is because I was doing a little challenge with my sisters.

It goes like this: Each of us puts 50 bucks in to a pot. A sort of entry fee if you will.
We all took measurements and photo's as unflattering as they were and the goal is is to loose as much weight doing our own thing by March 1st.
Whoever looses the biggest percentage of weight will win the entire pot! I intend to win it!
Now I challenge you to do the same.

New years resolutions:
Use less product in my hair ( I think its thinning)
Loose weight, get to healthy weight this year.
Wear bikini in summer
Gain confidance and become more out going
Excersie
Drink way more water.

Planning ahead.

So I'm sitting here at work thinking about Christmas and all the goody temptations that I'll be faced with and thought maybe i should come up with some sort of plan. Something to help me deal with these temptations because lets face it will power will only work for so long.
I have no idea what I'm going to do but it's definately food for thought. I've already taken precautionary measures and only baked things that I can freeze easily so the little temptations are not sitting around begging me to eat them.
I think my best plan is to come up with something I can eat so at least I have an option outside of "no don't eat that"

Undeserving

So after my shower this morning I jumped on my scale hoping to see the same result as last week. 197.5 I think and was delightfully pleased to see 195.
I completely undeserved 2.5 pound loss! A huge loss to! Mind you I'm just getting over that time of the month and that can attribute to the HUGE loss.
But getting back to my week in review it wasn't as good as I know I can do. I ate Chinese food twice and sampled to many freshly backed goodies as well as my overindulgence in cake the other night (I still completely regret that) And lets not forget last night....
My boyfriend took me out to dinner to Tony Roma's, I contemplated a salad but decided on Ribs and soup instead. The soup doesn't conform to my diet but I thought I'd have a little anyway. Well the soup was good enough for me. I ate that and was completely satisfied. I then ate the steamed veggies and was starting to get full. After that I shoveled in however many ribs and was so full I hurt. Now that was bad. I should never have done that. I'm still feeling the side effects now from stuffing my face so thoroughly. My stomach still hurts and I feel ill. I deserve that though I know better.

Bad Day...BAD BAD Day

So I've been doing pretty well lately. I've managed to even cut my portions down without feeling overly hungry. My method? I listen to my body. When I start feeling full I push whats left on my plate awayand stop eating. I know its hard but eventually you get used to. Soon I hope I'll get over the wasting thing too. That's gonna be a tough one, although now I try to estimate the excate amount I will eat so I don't make to much.
Holidays aren't going great but they aren't going to badly either. I've been able to freeze most of baking up to this point and I've only sampled everything. A bun here or there and a cookie....ok maybe two but they were really small. At least I've started cooking with Splenda, its more healthy with less sugar and tastes just as good.
Now comes my bad news dun dun dun.... I ate cake! Gosh darn it. Just when I think I've got temptation whipped and under some sort of control my mother goes and brings in this absolutely ginormous cake. I managed to say no the first two times. Thats partly because I was able to tell myself "I haven't had dinner yet" but after dinner was another story.
I caved and ate two pieces...and not small ones either.
So there we go I blew my day and possibly my week with all the sampling and chinese food that has come in my house oh and don't forget the banana bread....oh well its the holidays and I'll aim for maitenance this month. Aim for loss next month.